58: Ahmed Al-Kadri
Source: AhmedLovesBread.com
“Oh my god, am I about to have my first threesome?... And all of a sudden, right before, I hear a knock on my door... My roommate is like, ‘Can you give me a ride to the airport?’”
About Ahmed
Comedian Ahmed Al-kadri has blazed a, shall we say, unorthodox path to funny. After all, how many comedians do you know that started their careers in private equity accounting?
But we need to go a bit further back. All the way to… Yemen. Yes, the one in the Arabian Peninsula. Right next to Saudi Arabia. Right by Oman. Across from djibouti. That one. Now, Ahmed’s parents, in their quest to GTFO and in search of a better life, emigrated to the US. And then they got to work… having kids.
Ahmed is the second oldest of 6. Born in New Mexico, he grew up in a small community in Dallas, Texas. As an immigrant kid, he likely received clear marching orders on career choices: doctor, lawyer, maybe something in IT.
He chose something he knew would get approved by his parents while also providing tons of material for his nascent comedy career: accounting. That’s right, because accounting is hilarious.
But where did he get the idea for comedy? Well, when his parents moved, the culture shock was real. As an immigrant myself, I can also vouch for this. So, they watched shows they were comfortable with: Mr. Bean, Charlie Chaplin, I Love Lucy… light comedic fare easy on the psyche.
Ahmed ate it up. The shows were a crash course on physical comedy and he spent hours glued to the TV, learning how facial expressions can elevate a joke and how to perfectly time a punchline. But it wasn’t until he saw Dumb and Dumber that his love for funny went into overdrive.
And so, he became the funniest accountant-in-training at the University of Texas at Dallas. It didn’t hurt that he was the only funny accountant-in-training, but that didn’t matter. He was hooked.
Graduating in 2014, Ahmed naturally got a job with asset management firm Neuberger Berman, where he used more of his accounting skills than his comedy skills, but he honed the latter at the Dallas Comedy House, which he joined in 2016 to pursue improv. This was the move that changed his life. By the time he was 23, Ahmed was taking standup more seriously, and a short time later, he left his accounting job and moved to LA.
Taking classes for sketch and improv at UCB and Groundlings, Ahmed was all in. Being a typical hardworking immigrant kid, his hustle started to pay off. One thing led to another, with a few viral jokes leading to a large TikTok and Instagram following, and Ahmed found himself playing Liam in David Diamond Hands, playing himself on Fox’s Love Connection, and eventually, he found himself on tour.
And his loyal followers, known as Breadcrumbs or Pure Breads, depending on probably an intricate system of loyalty debits and credits, devour his content about as rabidly as he devoured all those episodes of Mr. Bean.
Of course, as an overachiever who is not content to just do comedy, Ahmed also hosts bike tours of LA and indulges his inner foodie by writing Yelp reviews for new restaurants near Hollywood.
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Max Chopovsky:
0:02
This is Moral of the Story Interesting people telling their favorite short stories and then breaking them down to understand what makes them so good. I'm your host, max Tchaikovsky. Today's guest is comedian Ahmed Al-Khadri, who has blazed a, shall we say, unorthodox path to funny. After all, how many comedians do you know that started their careers in private equity accounting? But we need to go a bit further back, all the way to Yemen. Yes, the one in the Arabian Peninsula, right next to Saudi Arabia, right by Oman, across from Djibouti yeah, that one. Now Ahmed's parents, in their quest to GTFO and in search of a better life, emigrated to the US and then they got to work having kids.
Max Chopovsky:
0:43
Ahmed is the second oldest of six, born in New Mexico, he grew up in a small community in Dallas, texas. As an immigrant kid he likely received clear marching orders on career choices Doctor, lawyer, maybe something in IT. He chose something that he knew would get approved by his parents, while also providing tons of material for his nascent comedy career accounting. That's right, because accounting is hilarious. But where did he get the idea for comedy? Well, when his parents moved, the culture shock was real. As an immigrant myself, I can vouch for this. So they watched shows they were comfortable with Mr Bean, charlie Chaplin, I Love Lucy, like comedic fare, easy on the psyche. Ahmed ate it up. The shows were a crash course on physical comedy, and he spent hours glued to the TV learning how facial expressions can elevate a joke and how to perfectly time a punchline. But it wasn't until he saw Dumb and Dumber that his love for funny went into overdrive, and so he became the funniest accountant in training at the University of Texas at Dallas. It didn't hurt that he was probably the only funny accountant in training, but that didn't matter. He was hooked.
Max Chopovsky:
1:55
Graduating in 2014, ahmed naturally got a job with asset management firm Neuberger Berman, where he used more of his accounting skills than his comedy skills, but he honed the ladder at the Dallas Comedy House, which he joined in 2016 to pursue improv. This was the move that changed his life. By the time he was 23, ahmed was taking stand-up more seriously, and a short time later he left his accounting job and moved to LA Taking classes for sketching and improv at UCP and Groundlings. Ahmed was all in being a typical hardworking immigrant kid. His hustle started to pay off.
Max Chopovsky:
2:30
One thing led to another, with a few viral jokes leading to a large TikTok and Instagram following, and Ahmed found himself playing Liam in David Diamond Hands, playing himself on Fox's Love Connection and eventually he found himself on tour himself on Fox's Love Connection. And eventually he found himself on tour and his loyal followers known as Breadcrumbs or Pure Breads, depending on probably an intricate system of loyalty debits and credits devour his content about as rabidly as he devoured all those episodes of Mr Bean. Of course, as an overachiever who's not content to just do one thing, ahmed also hosts bike tours of LA and indulges his inner foodie by writing Yelp reviews for new restaurants near Hollywood. So he's kind of like a turnkey experience concierge you hop on a bike, you get some fabulous grub and you laugh the whole way. Well played, my friend, well played. So my man, ahmed the Polymath, welcome to the show.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
3:22
What is going on. This is the greatest intro I've ever had in my entire life Amazing, thank you. I've never been more honored in my life. You made me seem like I'm this cool guy that blogs on history books. I'm in a black and white photo with a suit on.
Max Chopovsky:
3:39
I'm just stating facts, bro. I'm just stating facts, that's all.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
3:41
Yeah, I know, I was just like God damn, I did a lot.
Max Chopovsky:
3:45
It's all real, it's all true. Yeah, I know, and I'm just getting started, dude, is there anything that you want to say to set the stage before we get started, or do you want to just go right in?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
4:07
I guess like I'm just going to jump into the story and just go from there. I mean, I guess the best way to put it is we all do some crazy shit in our 20s, huh, all right, so anyways, it all started in December of 2014,. Right, I just finished my finals a bit early and I was feeling really good because I was like this is my last finals of the year. So I was like feeling really good and I was commuting to school. So I was going to UTD and I was like just driving in Richardson where my parents' house is, I drive over there and I play the number one song at the time Bruno Mars, uptown Funk Play that I'm shucking and jiving, telling my mom like, hey, we just finished finals. I'm the first kid in the family to finish college. So I was very happy, drove back to UTD and I drove back to my little house. I lived in like the fraternity house at the time and well, not really a fraternity, we didn't have Greek life, but we just had me and my fraternity brothers. We just like rented a house. So I was like just chilling and I finished finals early and all of a sudden, I get a text from two of my friends. They're two sorority girls For friends. They're two sorority girls For the sake of this story, I'm going to give them different names. So we got Kelly and Shelly. So Kelly and Shelly hit me up and they're always like. They're like really good friends of mine and it's always like, hey, let's go out. We just finished finals. Early too. Everybody else was taking finals. I was like, yeah, that's fine.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
5:19
So there's in Dallas, especially when you went to UTD, there was like two kinds of places you could drink. There was actually several neighborhoods you could drink, but there was one everyone usually goes to is Uptown, right Uptown, very bougie. A lot of you had 30,000 Dallas millionaires. There was like the stereotype in Dallas where you make 30K but then you pretend like you make a year of millionaires, one of those. It's like a wish version of Miami.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
5:47
And then instead we're like let's go to Shops at Legacy. I used to make this joke I go. Shops at Legacy is where uptown girls grow up and go retire, so it's all older people there at Shops at Legacy. So we go. We find this bar. It's like me, kelly and Shelly, they hop in.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
6:05
I had like a 2011 rundown honda accord. No, not even 2011, it was like 2004 or some shit like that. Right, right, I had to like pull a string to rev the engine. So we like, we pull up and we go to this bar and we already pre-gamed that, obviously, at my place and we go over and I go, there's a cover band playing Bruno Mars. I was like, alright, it's that fucking song again, I'll fuck you up. I was like, alright, we're at a shop at Legacy now, but you do, you, bro? So they're playing, it's a cover band. And then we're like, okay, this is cool. But we noticed this is all older people. I had just turned 21. Kelly and Shelly are 21. We are the youngest people at that bar by at least 20 years, right.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
6:53
So I was like, hey, guys, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I go to the bathroom, I'm washing my hands, and then this guy next to me, this big dude till this day I don't really remember his name, but we'll just call him Matt I don't really specifically remember his name for a reason and I'm washing my hands and he was like, hey, what's up, bro? Look at you, good looking young kid. And I was like, yeah. And he was like, yeah, I saw you walking with those two girls, nice, nice. And I was like, yeah, man, just yeah, just hanging out. And he was just like, bro, I think you're fucking cool, you should join me and my table. We're at the VIP section, drinks on us. And I was just like free. I mean listen, if you're going to offer free drinks to a 21-year-old kid, that's like offering free candy. Well, I'm fucking 30 years old, you give me free candy and I'm just as excited. But I was like, yeah, sure, just as excited. But I was like, yeah, sure. So I go over to Kelly and Shelly. I was like yo, this random dude I met in the bathroom just invited me to the VIP section and he's giving us free drinks. And Kelly and Shelly are like free drinks, don't mind if we do so. We go to the VIP section.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
7:56
I was trying to meet this guy named Matt and then Matt's wife named let's call her Matt's wife, call her Matt's wife. Great name. I know Matt's wife and you know I introduced. And then I meet his Matt's friend and then Matt's friend's wife. So Bob and Bob's wife. I was like okay. And then a couple other friends that they're around. They're all giving us free drinks and all of a sudden I see Bob's wife making out with Matt's wife and I'm looking at Matt and he's looking at me. He's like so hot, am I right? I was just like the fuck is happening, what is this? And then he was like check this out. And then he pulls out his phone and then he just starts showing me pictures of Bob's wife, bob and Matt's wife and him. They're all naked, they're all hooking up with each other. What so?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
8:49
We joined a swingers club. That's outstanding. So we joined a swingers club and I was just like, and he was just like bro, I think you would look so hot. I've always wanted. Here's the thing I grew up in Texas there's not a lot of brown people there. Cause, like I've always wanted, here's the thing I grew up in Texas there's not a lot of brown people there. Because I've always wanted a fucking sexy Arab dude, just to rail my wife.
Max Chopovsky:
9:12
What, what.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
9:16
I'm already three drinks in. I was just like huh, I was like yo what? And I was like yo what? And I was like first off, I'm 21. So I was like have sex while the guy is watching, that's kind of gay, isn't it?
Max Chopovsky:
9:35
That's what you said to him.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
9:37
Yeah, I was like this cover band is loud as shit, so I was like that's kind of gay, isn't it?
Max Chopovsky:
9:44
Oh my God, what did he say?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
9:46
And he was just like bro, it's not gay. And he starts laughing. He was like bro, it's not gay. And he was like come on whatever. And I was just like, I didn't really think anything of it, but I was like go to Killing Chet. I was like and they're like oh, no, worries, bob guy just gave us some cocaine. And then the Bob guy gives him. He's like yo, you want some cocaine. He gives us this little thing. I've only done cocaine two times before. That Like already. I usually don't do cocaine, I'm annoying enough already. Imagine me on cocaine. Just like y'all, just like pitching business meetings to you. I was like y'all, she's like pitching business meetings to you. I was like yo, I'll have the website by Monday bro.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
10:27
Yeah, let's do this Anyways. So all of a sudden, like you know, we start snoring some cocaine. And all of a sudden, like I was just like, all right, we'll take some more drinks and then I'll tell Kelly and Shelly I was like we're going to get out of here. We're like, whenever it's time we'll leave, you know. And they're like, okay, well, we're having fun right now. I was like, okay, they didn't. They don't know the situation. He just told me what happened. I was like, okay, this is crazy. All of a sudden, they close out the tab and they're like, hey, we're going to another bar. I was like, yeah, sure, no problem. So we all you know migrate to the other bar and they're still giving us free drinks and free Coke and we're like I mean, we're 21. Like, looking back, I could have just been like thank you so much, let's leave.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
11:16
But one thing about myself and I think this is like just I've been trying to teach myself is learn when to say no and draw boundaries. But to me I'm like yo, you're giving me free shit, and plus, also, when you're like drunk and coked out, there's no such thing as boundaries and whatever. So all of a sudden, like we go to the other bar and then, like, I'm like grabbing some, we're like still drinking. They get another VIP section, right, another couple comes, joins them and then they all start the older people. They're all just making out with each other, right, and we're all like just me and the other 21-year-olds. We're just like watching, like all right, cool, just drinking, but also like coked out. So we're just like these people are weird, but they're so nice. We kept saying they're so nice, they're real nice.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
12:05
And then all of a sudden I'm like I go to the dance floor. They're playing some songs. I, you know, I'm grooving, you know I'm feeling loose barbecue sauce on my titties, like I'm out here, right, and I'm out here, I'm shucking and jiving, I'm grooving out. And then all of a sudden, matt's wife. She grabs butt, like in the middle of the dance floor, and I turn. I was like what. And then she grabs my balls. She grabs it and then, in the middle of the dance floor, it starts making out with me.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
12:35
I'm 21 years old and I was like, fuck yeah, I'm about to have sex with an older girl. So I was just like. Now, all of a sudden, I'm like, oh yeah, cool, I'm about to. I'm making out with this older woman. Hell, yeah, you know how, when you're 20 years old I remember at 21, we were all like you know how, when you're 21 in college, you try to have that checklist like, oh, have you hooked up with a girl twice your age? You know we've. Yeah, max is nodding. Okay, good, so we've all been there. So I was like okay, I think she's twice my age based on the wrinkles on her forehead. So I think I'm 21,. Bro, I don't know.
Max Chopovsky:
13:10
Right now I'm 30. That's the KPI forehead wrinkles.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
13:13
Yeah, forehead wrinkles. So then we're like making out. I was like oh yeah, cool.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
13:18
And then all of a sudden she was like okay, I tried to like take her to the bathroom. She was like I'm not going to hook you up with the bathroom, but I'm coked out. I was like let's go hook up in the bathroom. She was like no, they still gave me enough drinks. And then they were like all right, let's all go back to our condo. And then I was like okay. And then Kelly and Shelly they're like yeah, let's go back to the condo and then have a good feeling about this. I don't have a good feeling about this. So we all go back to the condo and they're like living at the Shopside Legacy, they go up to like the top floor.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
13:51
Bro, it was like six. So it was six older people, all couples. And then it was me and my two friends. They've given us so much drinks and all that stuff. All of a sudden, like I was like we're in the apartment, we're in their condo. Shelly, fortunately, she just like goes straight to the couch and passes out, she's sleeping. And then I was like okay, all right, she's sleeping and I'm like standing next to her making sure she's okay. And then, like all of a sudden, like one of the swingers, like three, like a guy and two of the girls they like went into a room like a random room Right, and then all of a sudden Matt's. I go to the bathroom, matt's wife follows me into the bathroom and she's trying to hook up with me.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
14:37
Oh, so now the bathroom is okay, right, good catch. So I was just like I don't want to say it's assault, because maybe it's because I'm an older generation and I'm like women can't assault you, come on. It's like that scene in Curb your Enthusiasm, when that child, that boy child actor, was like I was abused by an older woman. And then Larry David was like come on, Like, come on. So I was like hooked out and then, like she starts like making out with me and then she's like pulling my pants down and I'm like coked out and I was just like I'm like getting into it. But then also, like I was like wait a minute, I just left Kelly and Shelly in that living room with, like like those two other guys. Right, bro, this was, it's crazy. Until this day I don't know, I was like how long was I in that bathroom. So I was like hey, like can you give me a second? I'll be right back. I pull up my pants and I'm like like, like I was like what the fuck is going on? Like I'm like coked out. And then, like I go into the living room, there is two more guys there. I was like where the fuck did those come from. I was like some old like I'm talking about. He looked like he was in his sixties. Two more guys were in the living room. I was like what the fuck? So now there's four dudes and they're all surrounding in the kitchen, around Kelly, and they're all talking. Kelly's just like you know, talking entertaining them. I don't know what they were saying. And then I just see Shelly passed out and then I see some random dude, another guy, another five. I don't know where these guys came from till this day. I was like did they come while I was in the bathroom? What was going on? And I was just like what's going on?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
16:18
I see Kelly surrounded by dudes, and I see Shelly passed out and one guy just like with a drink and just staring at her and I was like I don't have a good feeling about this. And he's just like. He's like slowly, like caressing her hair, and she's passed out. I was like, oh shit, oh no, yeah, I know. So then, like, I was like I gotta think quick. So I ran over to that little table of all the cocaine and I took a big old line and I was like Popeye's and I went over. I was like Kelly, we got to go.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
16:51
Something came up. She was like okay, and then I went over to Shelly and I picked her up off the couch like overhead Thank God she was a small girl. And I was like all right, thank you guys so much. And they were all like coked out staring at me like thank you so much, take our number down. I was like okay, sorry, something came up. It's fucking 5 am. And I'm like yeah, something came up Bro. I was like okay, we gotta go, we gotta go.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
17:19
And Kelly's like what happened? I was like I'll tell you later in the car and like what happened? I was like I'll tell you later in the car. And then like I like slowly, I put like Shelly in the back of the Honda and all of a sudden, right when I put her in the car, she wakes up. She was like oh man, what happened? I just took a nice nap or something. And I was just like you don't want to know. And then, like I put Kelly in the passenger, shelly's in the back and I start driving. And it's 5 am, I'm driving back to from Plano to Richardson and I'm swifting through making sure cops don't catch me. But what's cool is, like you know 10 on two not to brag Max. I'm a great driver on under the influence. You know that trick you like. By the way, guys, I'm joking, I am not, I don't recommend.
Max Chopovsky:
18:01
I was like are you actually driving when you're that hammered?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
18:04
Yeah, I was. I was drunk and coked out and I was like driving. And I was like driving all the way back to Richardson. I get back to my place and then all of a sudden, like we're in the bed. And then Kelly and Shelly joined me in the bed. I was like, okay, that's new, this is new. And thenlly was like. She was like, oh my god, like I still can't sleep. She pulls up my laptop and starts pulling up porn. So now me, kelly and shelly were all watching porn together and I was like, oh my god, am I about to have my first threesome because she pulls up threesome? And I was like, oh my God, am I about to have my first threesome? Oh my God, hey, forget the sleeping with a girl twice your age. Next on the list is threesome and we're about to mark that off. I'm feeling good, all right, barbecue sauce on my chin, feeling great.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
19:02
And all of a sudden, right before like I didn't make a move, we're just watching. All of a sudden I hear a knock on my door and I was like what? What's going on? It's 530 at this point and it's Varun, my roommate, and I was like what the fuck do you want? And Varun's like dude, I'm so sorry, can you give me a ride to the airport? I was like what? What do you mean? You need a ride to the airport? I was like go ask. I was like I was like literally go ask the other roommates right now, go ask the other. I was like no, no. And he was like please. He was like come on. He closed. He was like okay, I closed the door. And then we're like we go back.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
19:40
And then like all of a sudden, like two minutes later I get another knock on the door. It's Varun. And I was like what do you want he goes? I am so sorry, but right now, like all the other roommates won't wake up, you're awake, please just take me to the airport. And I was like why didn't he tell me a night sooner or a night before? He was like I forgot, smart kid, he wasn't the best planner, anyways. And I was like fuck, are you serious? And he was like yeah, I was like God damn it.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
20:11
So I go to Kelly and Shelly. He's like I am so sorry, and I'm still drunk and coked out, obviously. And I was like hey, I have to take Varun to the airport. And they're like why do you have to take him to the airport? I was like he's bad at planning and they're like, hey, on your way back, can you bring Whataburger? I was like, yeah, sure, why not? I take Varun to the airport. The whole time I'm bitching at him. I was like you don't even know the night I'm having right now. And he was just like you don't even know the things I'm doing right now. I was like you don't even know. So I drop him off at the airport. And the airport is like DFW is like kind of not too far, but it's farther. I mean like all airports, bro, it's like it's an hour trip, it's not a long trip, it's not a fast trip. Take him to the airport, blah, blah, blah. Drop him off.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
21:01
On my way home I stop by get some Whataburger and I get back to my place and I see Kelly and Shelly and they're just passed out, they're sleeping. And I was like man, like I'm fucking, like that little depressed donkey from we Need the Poo, eeyore. I was fucking Eeyore. So I put the Whataburger like bag, big bag, put it to the side. I like move Kelly and Shelly, and I like just sleep. I don't even sleep, I just lay down and I'm staring at the ceiling and I was just like man, what the fuck just happened. I was like I had so many missed opportunities here and I was like I could have just said no. And I was just like looking back at the night, I was like, bro, I could have just when you should have zigged, but you zagged One of those.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
21:52
And then, literally 20 minutes later, my alarm hits. I was like, oh yeah. So, max, I put on my cap and gown. So, max, I put on my cap and gown, and then I went over to UTD and I graduated and got my degree from the University of Texas at Dallas. So I'm literally like watching. And then they were like up next I'm at El Cadre and I'm like slouching and I grab, I get my little paper and then I go down and then I see my mom and I'm like sorry, I don my mom. And then, like I sit back down, I'm like all right, we graduated. Oh my God, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was the night I graduated college, or the day the morning of, yeah, what I did the night before, yeah, it was crazy.
Max Chopovsky:
22:38
That is insane. Yeah, your mom would have been like how you don't look, all right, you, all right, you look tired.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
22:44
You were just so happy. You were just so happy. When you saw me the night before, I was like I know, oh, one more piece of detail, because, rule of threes, I forgot On my way driving back from the airport. I'm fucking pissed because I was like, dude, I'm missing out, I'm missing out, I'm missing out. I'm trying to keep myself awake. I turn on the radio. Uptown Funk is playing. I was like, oh, come on, of course, of course it's playing. So yeah, that night was crazy.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
23:12
Just some follow-up details. Like that same swinger guy, matt, I remember like months later I once saw him. I was at Shopsideite Legacy and I was like, oh, last time I was here it was wild. But I was leaving a bar and I hear beep, beep, beep, beep in the parking lot of that bar. It's Matt and he's waving me over and he was like yo, what's up, dude? And then he was like you want a bump? Oh my God. And I was like you have a problem? Oh man. But yeah, these were like older, 40s, 50s years old. That was crazy. Later on I realized Dallas has a huge swingers community and Florida.
Max Chopovsky:
23:51
I did not know about Dallas. I would have assumed Florida. I did not know about Dallas.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
23:55
Yeah, dallas, and the sign for swingers. It's an upside down pineapple.
Max Chopovsky:
24:01
Like the universal sign for swingers. I didn't know that either. Yeah, that's wild. I could picture you driving from the airport and like Uptown Funk is playing. It's a remix, that's in a minor key, and now it's a ballad and there's like the world's smallest violin is just playing and you're just like just coming down off of everything that you've been doing for the last I don't know eight hours and it's like what an arc from the beginning where you're so pumped and you're hearing Uptown Funk in the beginning of the night. And then now you're driving back and the sun is rising and everybody's chipper ready to graduate and you're just like FML right now. Just FML, like, seriously, I would have gone to Varun and been like dude, you owe me big, you owe me big.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
24:51
Oh, he did, he did owe me big. Till this day I was like, did I ever tell him? I know he remembers, but I have to like remind him. I got to call him and tell him what's up, but like it was like one of the wildest nights ever and I'm glad I got to share it on this podcast Cause I was like, oh, I can't tell this story, oh, I cannot.
Max Chopovsky:
25:09
But now this is a perfect podcast. You have to pick, like the right opportunity. Well, let me ask you this there's probably more than one, but what would you say is the moral of that story?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
25:21
Oh my God. Initially the first cause that is the title of this podcast I was like what is the moral of the story? And for me it was boundaries, like learning when to say no and making decisions. Because throughout my twenties it was always yes. One of my favorite movies is yes man starring Jim Carrey Cause. Like even before I was like that was already me. I was like, yeah, I say yes to every single thing because you never know what's going to happen. But I, the one that was like boundaries and saying no other boundaries is moral of the story, is cocaine is a hell of a drug. I'd say that one definitely is learning to say no and boundaries and like having more control over, like don't let your desires take advantage. You know what I mean. Yeah, I'd say those for sure.
Max Chopovsky:
26:16
I mean it's interesting because, like when I think about being a yes man, I think part of the reason that people do that is because they have massive, massive FOMO, just massive. Because hey, if I don't say yes to this, who knows, this could be the greatest story of my life down there. This could be the greatest experience of my life. And so FOMO drives being a yes man. But the older you get and I've started to really embrace this the more you can lean into being a no man, and that is driven by JOMO. Have you heard of JOMO? What's that? The joy of missing out? Oh, wow.
Max Chopovsky:
26:57
So it's like that's my new thing, because I make all these. I set my goals for every year and I'll make lists of things that I want to do, and when I was in my twenties, these documents that I would put together before the beginning of every year were like a dozen pages long. I'd have multiple categories across multiple areas of my life, from health to fitness, to friendships, to social, to like mental growth and all of this shit. And the older I've gotten, the more I've been able to narrow that down and the shorter those documents have gotten, until I literally said you know what this is going to be about Jomo and it isn't just like here are the things that I don't really want to do, so I'm just not going to put them on my priority list.
Max Chopovsky:
27:38
It's like here are actually some things that I would love to do this year, but I am consciously going to not do them because it allows me to spend more time on things that I really, really want to do, like the much more important things that I want to do, and that's hard. But also there's probably a really strong corollary between Jomo and staying out of jail and not ODing and all of these other things that in our twenties we just say fuck it, like who cares? You know, and it's a wonder to me that people don't get arrested as much as they should in their 20s, like there are so many, so many close calls that I've personally had that were just like I can't believe I survived my 20s, like I cannot believe I survived my 20s, and so it actually becomes kind of a wonderful thing to be able to be like. You know what I'm going to really enjoy missing out on some of this stuff, because I know that the stuff that I'm doing is actually more important. So why did you choose to tell this story?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
28:53
Honestly, it's because it was one like. It's the story that I could never tell, like you just made it to where this is a perfect environment where I could tell this story like free of judgment, and I mean it's just like a wild story of like, especially because you just said my intro before and the reason why I kept smiling and getting all giddy, because I was like, oh dude, I'm about to tell this story, they're all gonna be like. Going to be like what?
Max Chopovsky:
29:24
Because I know my face looks like the vice president of student council. This story just shatters the impression that people have of you that's been carefully curated through that well-worded intro and suddenly they're like, damn, that's not where I thought that was going to go.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
29:39
Yeah, and people don't expect it. So I think that one and also I chose it because it's just like, it's just a crazy story and I was like, oh, you were like a crazy story you have never told before. And I was like I could have gone with, like like I have some other stories when I used to be a drug dealer and I had like a pound of weed in my trunk, but I don't have any like. It's not like a specific story of just like certain times, but Wow.
Max Chopovsky:
30:07
Is that actually? Is that true?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
30:09
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I was. I was a great drug I talk about in my special too. So you were like something you never told before, like I even talk about it. Like I used to sell people drugs and then invite them to my improv comedy show.
Max Chopovsky:
30:20
Oh, that's amazing. I feel like that would be a loyal audience, because they kind of rely on you, they kind of want to continue doing business with you and you're like, hey, you know what it's, what it's going to take, it's a little loyalty situation. That's how you get, you know, upgraded from to a breadcrumb.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
30:38
Yeah, to a purebred baby like I don't know. And it's the first story that popped up right when you were telling me. You were telling me about certain stories, or like a story you'd never told before, blah, blah, blah. Like that was the first story that came up to my head. I was like bro, I've never. I was like the fact that it just immediately popped up in my head. I was like I have to tell it.
Max Chopovsky:
30:58
I have to tell it, I have to tell people about that. You got to go, yeah.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
31:01
Yeah, I'm trying to think like is there any other like moral of the story or anything like that, other than that? I think that's the only moral is like learn when to say no. And this, jomo, is a great life lesson you just taught me. I'm 30 now. I still get better at saying no, but I am still a people pleaser. So what I mean by that, as in like if I say, hey, I'm going to come support you at your show or I'm going to come to your birthday dinner, I will show up, I won't cancel unless I'm sick. But I won't cancel Because it's a combination of people pleasing. But also it's like if I tell a person I'm going to show up or I'm going to do something, I will do it. You know, I don't want to be false promises.
Max Chopovsky:
31:47
Well, and look, let me caveat this it's easy, with a clear mind, to say no, I'm not going to do that.
Max Chopovsky:
31:53
But when you have been drinking and doing blow and you're surrounded by people that are older and making out and continue to provide you with both substances, you're probably suffering from a bit of cloudy judgment. So it is understandable why you kept going. I get that, but I do have to give you props because I think most people, if they're hooking up with somebody in the bathroom and they're totally in the moment, they are unlikely to be like, oh my God, like there are two unattended girls that that effectively I'm responsible for, because I'm the guy that Matt found in the bathroom and brought us that agreed to go and join these people. So I feel kind of a sense of responsibility, and so the fact that you were able agreed to go and join these people, so I feel kind of a sense of responsibility, and so the fact that you were able to do that, that to me is like if you're peeing and you stop midstream, it's that difficult, like it's a mental, it's a mental exercise. That is not easy. So props to you for that.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
32:54
I think when you're coked out you're not as like, you're not as horny either, so like I think that helped too. But also like, especially because I was in a fraternity, so like a lot of our talks or like conferences or anything like with fraternities was like you have to make sure you're in a safe environment for women or you're providing a safe environment for women, because it's like you know, especially with that stereotypes of of the assault that like women get assaulted at fraternity houses. So even during my time in college, that's you know. So I remember like when we were in college we had like a little program where if a girl was too drunk we made sure she went home. Or you know because like the last thing especially, I was in a fraternity called SAE, so the national stereotype was sexual assault expected. That was SAE. So like our chapter, we like tried really hard to make sure we didn't have that. So instead they called us snort, almost everything, and I was like fair enough.
Max Chopovsky:
33:59
Hold on a sec. Isn't SAE a Jewish fraternity?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
34:03
No, no, no, it's a white one. No, it's Sigma Alpha, epsilon. Oh, okay, okay, that'd be hilarious. As an Arab, I'm in a Jewish fraternity. That'd be hilarious. I was like, hey, L'chaim boys.
Max Chopovsky:
34:17
L'chaim baby, all right. So let me ask you this as a comedian, you tell stories for a living and they have to be tight stories and they have to be well thought out and stories that you basically hone over multiple appearances at different clubs where you're really trying to sort of like, test your material right. So, when you think about good stories, what do good stories have in common?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
34:48
One of my favorite, a lot of my favorite storytellers. There's Mike Birbiglia and there's a guy named do you know? He's on YouTube Ali Sadiq. Have you heard of him? Check him out. Oh, my God, you would love this guy, especially because you like storytelling.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
35:04
Ali Sadiq, he's a this black Muslim comedian. He initially blew up years ago from this story called Mexican got on boots. It's about how he was on jail. He just got in and someone like people were running around they're like yo, mexican got on boots and like it means that there was going to be a riot and he talks about his journey, trying to find a knife to try to defend himself, stuff like that. It's a really good story. That one's only like what eight minutes long it's at Ali Sadiq, this Is Not Happening. That one's good. And then he has two specials out called Domino Effect Part One and Domino Effect Part Two. Bro, ali Sadiq, one of the best storytelling comedians of our time.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
35:43
So I think, like a couple of things with storytelling is they have your attention the whole time, and a good storyteller is there is no fluff, and that's something I'm trying to work on. Where it's like the fat of a story, a great storyteller is like there's no fat on the story. Everything he says is an essential's no fat on the story. Everything he says is a essential piece of information for the story. Personally, for me, not all stories need to have it, but a lot of stories have like a great callback or like a rule of threes. That's why I was like, oh yeah, the Uptown Funk. I was like I need to throw in that third one, driving Back, because I started with it and started with it, ended with it.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
36:21
Personally, everyone has a different the angle of how to attack a story, like me personally. Like I just know, I was like I'm not the best storyteller. Again, I used to always fluff. I would add so much fluff and give so much backstory when they didn't need it a lot. It was really bad. It's like George Lucas' first draft of Star Wars. It's not good.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
36:43
So the way I hacked myself into being a better storyteller, or trying to be a better storyteller, is I try to think of it as jokes. So I do like jokes periodically. So like in my new act I have this story of, but I wrote it in multiple jokes. But I have this bit about how you know, I went to a music festival on mall and I took Molly and then my phone got stolen while I was on Molly and it's like this journey trying to find my friends and find my way back and all these crazy things that happened and it's fun, it's a great bit. Hopefully next time you see me live you'll hear the bit, but everyone has a different hack.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
37:23
But I guess, like the essentials for being a good storyteller is something that is relatable to that you could connect with. Even though you didn't live that experience, you still connect with it in some way, shape or form. It's like, yeah, I don't connect with you know being in prison, but I do connect with being in fear and trying to figure out like a solution to a problem you know and also like, also what keeps for me at least for storytelling, it's gotta be, I mean, funny. I like funny, you know, like jokes along the way. We'll keep you grabbing you attention. And Jim Jeffries, also great storyteller, jim Jeffries, ali Sadiq and, uh, mike Birbiglia I highly recommend. I know I keep bringing them up, but you got to check out Ali Sadiq when you get a chance.
Max Chopovsky:
38:09
Definitely Mike Birbiglia. I highly recommend. I know. I keep bringing him up. But you got to check out Ali Sadiq when you get a chance. Definitely he kind of looks like DMX. It's a strange, it's a strange.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
38:13
Oh, you're looking him up right now. Yeah, yeah, I looked him up.
Max Chopovsky:
38:16
He looks like DMX. It's awesome, you know. So the fluff thing, that's a really interesting point. So I think I told you I wrote this script and we're shooting this short film in May that I'm directing, and the original script was almost 40 pages and a lot of it was just almost like soundbites or snippets of conversations that I had with my parents that are like you can't make this shit up Like the most ridiculous sort of exchanges that you have with parents, especially immigrant parents. The things they'll say to their kids are just crazy. And so I kept thinking of these things and I found ways to fit them into the script. But then, after I learned that, hey, if you want a short get into festivals, it's got to be like 12 minutes tops. So I was like all right, I got to go Rick Rubin on this thing and just commence the most ruthless edits possible, right.
Max Chopovsky:
39:06
And I hesitated so much to cut any of that stuff out because I'm like man, this is a really funny joke, like this is a really good piece of the story, and yet I had to cut. And every time I would cut and I would send it to people to get their thoughts on it. My main question was is it missing anything Like? Do you feel like something is missing? Is the story suffering? And they're like no, like I can't even remember what was in there before, because the story stands on its own even after you remove some of these things. And that's when I was like all right, cool. So I rolled up my sleeves and I really went ham on it, because you have to cut a lot of this stuff out. I mean, I had to cut out entire scenes, I cut out a character and looking back on it in hindsight, because I saved all the prior versions of the script, you can see how much of it was maybe fluff, maybe it's something that, if it were a longer form project, would make perfect sense to have in, because you could develop the storylines and the arcs a little bit more in depth. But for something short, it just makes perfect sense to cut some of that stuff out.
Max Chopovsky:
40:15
And some of the advice I got was if it doesn't serve the story, it's not needed and it doesn't matter how good it is. If it doesn't serve the story, you don't need it and once you cut it, you don't really even miss it. You know, like I used to have a video production company and I would edit a lot of our higher profile videos myself, and I hated the editing process because I was the DP for most of those projects and cutting a lot of that stuff out was like damn, that's such a good shot to those projects. And cutting a lot of that stuff out was like damn, that's such a good shot, that's such a good shot. And then after I cut it down to the final length, I didn't even remember what shots I cut, because it doesn't matter, right, the only things that should stay in are those that are in service of the story, all right. So let me ask you this If you could say one thing to your 20-year-old self, we could end on this, because I think this will be a good ending.
Max Chopovsky:
41:12
Note One thing to 20-year-old Ahmed. What would it be?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
41:19
I would tell him like, be comfortable with yourself and be comfortable with saying no. You putting yourself first doesn't mean that you're hurting others around you. You're just putting yourself first. And I think that's the one thing I would tell my 20-year-old self. It's like you don't have to sit and serve other people your whole life and try to be the yes man and try to make everybody happy. Just make you happy.
Max Chopovsky:
41:45
That's a really insightful point actually, because I'm also a people pleaser and happy. That's a really insightful point actually, because I'm also a people pleaser and I have found that because it was my way as an immigrant to sort of assimilate is to, you know, make others laugh and be fun to be around. But in doing that I lost sight, I think, of who I really was as a person, because I was kind of the chameleon. That would be fun in whatever environment, but as somebody who is sort of a chameleon, you stand for everything, right, and if you stand for everything, you don't stand for anything. And so it took me a long time to embrace who I am and you could still be kind and that's obviously still very important, but you also don't have to, as you said, put yourself last. That's a really, really solid piece of advice.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
42:34
I get that from my dad being a people pleaser, cause my dad was like he was such a nice guy and he always put other people first, to the point where it literally like he didn't even take care of himself and that's how he died early. You know, that's my assumption, you know, and it's like I was like a couple of things looking back at his life where it's like, yeah, he lived a good life and obviously at his funeral there were like hot, thousands of people that were there, you know. So it just proves that he would. People loved him, but I there was moments where I was like, yeah, but if he just took care of himself, if he literally go I need to all aspects, you know, so he won't have to take on other people's stress, he would have been okay. So that's like a learning lesson I took from his passing and I'm getting better at knowing my limits too. So, like, when people ask me for favors, I tell them I cannot help. You ask someone else.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
43:32
Or I used to be like being able to take it a step further. Like, for example, like I have a, like, let's say, like I have a. I have a friend who's like looking for a place in New York to crash with, you know, and I, he was like, do you have a friend? And then the old me would literally just like get on and start calling and try to find like Airbnbs and try to like go the extra mile to help this person. And it is a good thing, but it's also like you're sacrificing your time. It's like Ahmed, you got to clip up your special. You got like you got a lot of work on your own hands. Put yourself first, he can handle it. The guy, he's your friend, he's a grown man and it's like it's not. He's, he's not gonna attack you. You know what I mean. It's like you want to be, it's like that need that you're like I need this person to like me.
Max Chopovsky:
44:19
With Ahmed's current philosophy? What does the 30 year old Ahmed say to Varun when he knocks on your door at 5.30 in the morning?
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
44:29
I'm going to smack the shit. Honestly, looking back, I probably, as a 30-year-old, like I don't know, maybe it's because I'm 30 now and I'm like I don't really care, like I probably wouldn't be coked out or drunk, so I'd probably be like you know what I mean All right, you know. But so I probably I'd be like you need a ride? All right, you know, but I would probably be like get an uber. I would literally be like get an uber. This is your problem, this isn't my problem. You know, if I was in that exact situation where there was like two girls in my bed, I'd be like get an uber. You know, that's what I could have said. But but but yeah, it really is. Just, it's a period of just saying yes, yes, yes, yes, okay. Now. Now look where I'm all in these crazy ass situations. But yeah, yeah, no, I like this, I like you a lot because I'm telling you this crazy ass story and you're like finding these beautiful meanings behind it. It was swingers and cocaine. And you're like, yeah, but what's the essence?
Max Chopovsky:
45:33
There must be an essence to coked up swingers because, ultimately, if there is not, what is the meaning of our short time on this earth? Oh man, well, that does it, ahmed Al-Khadri. Thank you for being on the show, my friend.
Ahmed Al-Kadri:
45:52
Man Max, thank you so much for having me. This was a lot of fun. This was definitely like one of the like funnest podcasts I've ever funnest. One of the most fun I've had on a podcast is like you run a great show, man.
Max Chopovsky:
46:05
Thanks, dude. I appreciate that. That really means a lot to me because I know I'm sure you've been in a lot so that. So you have a large sample size to compare it to. So that's awesome. Well, yeah, man, thanks again for being on the show, for show notes and more, head over to mosspodorg. Find us on Apple Podcasts, spotify, wherever you get your podcast on. This was Moral of the Story. I'm Max Trapowski. Thank you for listening. Talk to