“And the three of us stood there, looked at each other, and said, ‘we can’t do this.’”

“Oh my god, am I about to have my first threesome?... And all of a sudden, right before, I hear a knock on my door... My roommate is like, ‘Can you give me a ride to the airport?’”

“And I called him up and told him, ‘I am not going to finish this book unless I see the letters you’ve got... So I beseech you, I beg you, please, would you share those letters with me?’ And there was this long pause… I was sweating bricks, and he said, ‘Okay!’”

“Everything’s normal, and then I’m in the gym… it starts to happen again… My chest starts pumping, my hands are shaking, and my business partner looks at me like, ‘Are you okay?’”

“When he goes up to shoot into the car, and the gun doesn’t work, so he ends up breaking the window of the car, and the car just takes off! So, the next day, he called me, and he’s like, ‘Yeah, man someone tried to follow me home last night…’”

"I walk into the kitchen; everybody's at the dinner table, and I say... 'I have to tell you something. I've just bought a monkey.'"

“He made the motion of moving the bowie knife up the body... It was the most shocking and incredibly powerful, dramatic moment I had ever seen on stage and I didn’t know where it was gonna go next...”

“He beckoned me over to the bed… He had me lean down so he could whisper something in my ear, waiting for a word of wisdom from Uncle Frankie and what he said to me was, ‘I could still kick your ass.’”

“I’m in front of my peers, I’m with my family — who have spent every last dime to get me to this moment — and I just want to prove to everyone I’m supposed to be here right now. So, I wrote my name on the list…”

“He grabs the gunwale and starts rocking our canoe back and forth”

“So, as we walk into the night, abuzz with the possibility of New York, all of a sudden I hear ‘Adam!’”

“And I looked at my child and in that moment, I realized we would all be okay...”

“I walk up to the cops and the guy jumps out of the car with incredible ferocity and I’m like… ‘I’m going to fucking jail!’. And he runs over to me and goes… ‘Is that the new fucking Vette?!’”

“And I said, ‘Oh! You’re not asking my opinion. Oh, I see, you want me to do this… Okay! I mean, I can do it, whether or not I think it’s a good idea, that’s a whole other thing.’”

They give him a standing ovation. It was a wonderful, wonderful talk. And then a couple weeks go by and all of a sudden the news erupts… the publishing company is bankrupt.

And then my friend did it. She Googled the names of the two incarcerated organizers to find out about their crimes.

“Who knew that a simple email 12 years ago would lead to all these things?”

And then I checked the cameras and the entire system was down. I’d never seen that.

He called me and said, ‘can you be in Midtown at 7 am tomorrow? And bring $500 in cash.’

One morning, it struck me: what are we all doing here? Is this really the best we can do??